8 Keys to Unhappiness

Yes, that’s right – unhappiness.

If this gets your attention, you are not alone.

Sometimes we pay more attention to something that we don’t want, that we want to get away from, than what we want. I laughed hard when I heard these keys from my spiritual mentor. It is easy to identify with these oh so human qualities.

The secret of how to achieve happiness is by doing the opposite. You can be on the Path of Joy with these tips.

Key 1: Think a lot.

Fret about the future.

Focusing on events that have not happened yet and the possible outcomes creates a lot of anxiety. There is no avoiding catastrophes like traffic jams and rude people and that mandatory dinner where everyone disapproves of you. Worry about them now.

Regret the past.

Continue to bring up events and circumstances from the past and wish how they could have been different. Bring up wrongs that have been done to you and times when you have done wrong to others. Dwell on it.

Think. Think. Think.

Never let go of that thought that is burned into your brain, that wrong, that situation that went bad, that thing from the past that you are sure will happen in the future. You may have thought it a thousand times already, but it is there ready to go over one more time.

Or . . .

Change your focus when you realize you are thinking. Being present means less thinking. 

Show up for what is right in front of you now. Just now. Appreciate what is here: nature, people, beauty, whatever is here right now.

Be alert and attentive to when you are rehashing the same thoughts or the same story. You will pick it up sooner and sooner each time until there is no need to retell the story. Be present to what is here now, not in the past, not jumping to the future, just here now.

Key 2: Blame everyone else for your problems. Never take responsibility.

There must be someone out there, that if they had done things right, then that horrible thing would not have happened to you. It’s that jerk of a driver. Your upbringing. The school you went to. The government, if only we could get some laws and programs that make sense. The financial system – it is set up for collapse and I will be an unfortunate pawn. The doctors don’t listen and put me through these useless tests, then tell me I’m fine. Everything and everyone else is to blame.

Or . . .

See what part you had to play in a situation. Not to judge yourself, but to take responsibility. Taking responsibility means being able to respond – respond for your own best interest in a situation and for everyone else as well. This is the end of victim consciousness.

Key 3: Praise nobody. Judge everyone.

Continuously judge others. They obviously are doing things wrong. They have made wrong choices. Their lifestyle is ludicrous, who would want that car, that spouse, that job. My boss is an idiot. Look at all the things he doesn’t understand and how he treats us. That grocery clerk sure is slow – why doesn’t the store management do something about her incompetence?

And on and on . . .

Or . . .

Realize that you are not in a place to know why things happen. Therefore, it does not serve to judge others.

Replace judgmental thoughts with praise. Find something to appreciate about the person in front of you.

The cheery earrings on the grocery clerk. The friendly manner of your co-worker. The dinner cooked by your spouse. The beauty of the trees. The fact that your car took you to work.

The little things, the big things, the things nobody else is noticing, notice and appreciate them. It will change everything.

Key 4: Control, control, control every single part of your existence. Surrender nothing.

Be a control freak. If it isn’t done your way, insist on it being changed or done over. Make a fuss. Spend a lot of energy making sure it happens just the way you want it.

Or . . .

Realize that the way you do things is not the only way, and there are many ways that could be considered the best way. 

Therefore, be willing to let things go the way they are going. When the outcome is the same, what does it matter? 

Start with giving up control on one area of your life. Let is spread to more area, until it has encompassed all areas of your life. Giving up control can give you much more energy.

Key 5: Focus on what you don’t have. Avoid focusing on what gives you joy.

See all the negative things in life. See what you don’t have. See where you are lacking. See what you don’t know and had better learn quickly.

If anyone wants to have fun with you, divert your attention because there are all these things that are more important that must be done first. You don’t have the time. You don’t have the energy.

Or . . .

Focus on what you really really want, on all levels. Focus on what you are going towards. Move towards what you really desire now. 

See the positive in life and expand on it. If you didn’t have a speck of that thing that you want, you would not know it. So appreciate what you already have and let it expand to fulfill your wildest desires.

Discover your highest desire and live life by that.

Key 6: Hang with people that support your limitations.

That is the best way to continue to focus on what you don’t have. People that believe they can’t have what they want support you in focusing on what you don’t have. That negativity supports you in unhappiness. And staying unhappy because of what you don’t have. There is no possiblilty for change.

Or . . .

Hang with people who are going beyond limitations by focusing on what they really want. You will recognize them because they are joyful and have a sparkle in their eyes.

Key 7: Avoid anyone that makes you feel radiantly alive.

Avoid them because, after all, that is just pie in the sky . . . who could be that happy in life? That is not real. What I don’t have now is real, and what I am lacking is real, and it is unreasonable to deny that by feeling something I am not used to. Or that I don’t deserve to feel because of all the suffering people in the world.

Or . . .

Surround yourself with people who are alive.

You will know them because they make you feel radiantly alive, joyful, and see the beauty in life. They support you in your aliveness, and special passions.

Key 8: When in doubt, beat yourself up.

Think of the things you should have done and didn’t. Think of the ways you messed up in the past. Then compound it by judging that you should not have done it that way and list all your shortcomings. Continue to pound on yourself for something in the past that did not go well, and continue to bring it into now to judge yourself as unworthy and deficient. Dwell on your negative qualities.

Or . . .

Stop those thoughts of self-blame by moving your attention to praise, gratitude, love and compassion. You may still continue to have those thoughts from habit, but each time it happens, move your attention sooner to appreciation and praise. From there thanks and love can appear. Have compassion for yourself; the old habits die with repeated choice on the upward spiraling emotions.

Finally, One Key to Happiness

Make it your goal to every morning when you get up, spend 2 minutes praising or thanking someone in your life.

Choose gratitude whenever you can. You can’t be grateful and depressed at the same time. You can’t be grateful and sad at the same time. You can’t be grateful and annoyed at the same time. If you are moving toward a negative emotion, choose gratitude instead.

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“Naturopathic Physician Dr. Cheryl Kasdorf is a doctor who listens and has answers with a natural approach that works. She is known as the go-to person to get back your get-up-and-go when it is gone, gone, gone. Get your FREE gift “Dr. Kasdorf’s Health Secrets for Feeling & Looking Great” at drcherylkasdorf.com