In the routine of daily life, we often do things by rote, mindlessly. Because of this, we often do not notice what we are doing unless there is a problem.
We put the dishes in the dishwasher, we put the clothes in the clothes washer, and we get in the shower to wash ourselves. If, however, we started to put the dirty dishes from the dishwasher away, or put socks in the dishwasher, or forgot to take our socks off before we got in the shower, then we might be startled into recognizing what we were doing.
Sure, it serves to develop habits so that we don’t have to think about how to do something each time we do it.
We tie our running shoes the same way so they don’t come loose while we are running. That has become perfected with trial and error, because the consequence of tripping on a shoelace motivates us to find a way so the laces don’t come loose.
It Worked Before . . .
We cease to make intelligent choices when we stick with habitual ways of solving problems.
By mindlessly stopping by the fast-food place when we are hungry, we forget about our own kitchens at home. With preparation and planning, we can make different food choices.
Accepting Labels
Mindless behavior costs us when we accept labels unaware that we are doing that.
We accepted plenty of labels growing up as we learned to live in this world. That was not our own fault. We were shaped by our environment because we were not able to evaluate what was coming in and we accepted everything as truth. It is technically known as a state of hypnogoic awareness, which is how the brain functions before certain parts of the brain come online.
Those inputs act as powerful programs today when we let them run unexamined.
We continue to accept wide-ranging labels from being pretty, to being smart, to being socially inept, to being an athlete, to being a parent or boss. When we totally identify with one of these labels, and are asked to perform outside of that, we don’t do well.
We become dependent on other people fulfilling us where we have labeled ourselves incompetent. For example, the husband may take care of finances, and when the wife is asked to take over, she cannot do it, even though she did fine for herself before she got married.
Limiting Categories
We pay a price when we habitually define ourselves in a narrow way.
To think that I am a runner and won’t consider exercising in any other way becomes a detriment when I have a knee injury and become sedentary because I can’t run. However, more often it is more subtle than that.
When we define ourselves with the role in our job, then it is a shock to be out of that job. If we look for a job in that same line of work, then we may be limited. In fact, too often that line of work is no longer available. I know a graphic artist that was phased out of her job for a paper company when they moved from a process that involved a darkroom to digital processing. She ended up in a bakery for a while, using some of her creative talent.
In another example, to define an administrative assistant as a time manager, a scheduler, and a person who attends to details well, is very different from defining her as someone who carries out the boss’s orders.
If she was to lose her job with that boss, she limits her possibilities if she looks only for administrative assistant work with a similar boss. She might be able to move into a vast array of industries in a position that utilizes her abilities, not only as an administrative assistant.
I Don’t Stack Up in Comparison
When we envy someone’s accomplishments or assets, comparing them to our own, it most often is not an apples-to-apples comparison because we leave something out.
We neglect to consider the process needed to achieve those accomplishments; we often focus only on the results of their efforts.
That kind of envy restricts what we think of ourselves, because we do not take into account their process or efforts and expect to be able to have the same without similar effort. It diminishes what we think of ourselves, and consequently what we think we are able to do.
When we hold ourselves to what we have been able to do in the past, we are limiting ourselves in a most detrimental way. Just because we could not make the sale, or stick to an exercise program, that does not we will not be able to do so in the future. By letting the past have a hold on us, we are holding ourselves in a limited self-image and that is energetically powerful in a limiting way.
On the contrary, in the smoking cessation arena, it is well known that the more times a person has quit smoking and gone back to smoking again, the more likely they are to be able to quit. It is framed with the perspective that the person has practiced do it before, so they are more likely to know the pitfalls and what works, and be successful this time. The more tries and failures at quitting smoking, the more likely a person is to succeed on the next attempt.
Fail at one thing, A Failure in All
Related to this is the situation where repeated failures at a particular activity in the past result in thinking that I am a failure in other areas of life, or that my whole life is a failure.
That generalization of failure can result in not even being able to meet a challenge, because there is the belief that failure is the only outcome. That results in passivity, even if there could be easy solutions.
Feeling that “I am a failure” leads to learned helplessness, which drains our own power to make a difference in our lives. If failure is the assured outcome, why even try?
Basing present behavior on past performance not only limits ourselves; it is particularly limiting when we hold others within the limits of what they have been able to accomplish in the past. We are energetically limiting them, and that also comes out in discouraging statements, actions that presuppose inaction or failure, and not being there for them in their growth.
A Compromise in Small Things Dismissed
Without thinking about the context in which we are acting, it is easy to take small steps towards behavior that is uncharacteristic for us. Then one day we wake up and find ourselves doing something of which we never imagined ourselves capable.
If we cheat someone out of a quarter, then so what if it becomes one dollar, or five or ten? Cheating is cheating no matter what the degree.
Often it is only by getting feedback that makes us realize that we have behaved in a way that does not represent our values. It was a compromise from the beginning, but we did not question the behavior until it became glaringly obvious. I believe this is what friends are for: to call us to account when we become mindless. (But not to judge and expect us to meet a certain standard.)
Missing the Context of a Thought
It also costs us when we compartmentalize thoughts we would rather not have. Safe in their compartment, those ideas don’t apply to the normal course of life.
By not connecting our actions to our desired principles, we may find ourselves doing incongruent acts and living out of integrity.
We may forget that we were told to decrease sugar in our diet by the doctor, and go out wine tasting. There are those who want to be vegetarian, but can’t pass up the Thanksgiving turkey because it is part of the tradition.
Blaming One Thing
When we attribute all our troubles to a single cause, we lose the reality of contributing factors. Too often we use blame to point to the cause of our problems.
If only my workplace was more conducive to taking breaks, I would eat a nutritious lunch in peace. Instead, I snack all day, and can’t resist the chocolates the secretary puts out on her desk.
If only I had grown up in a home with a father, then I wouldn’t be so messed up when it comes to dating.
If it wasn’t for my genes, I would not have diabetes or alcoholism or methylation problems leading to so many health problems.
None of those conditions can be traced to a single cause. I see that we begin with life circumstances or susceptibility, then activate it through our daily choices.
When we try to solve it by addressing a single cause, we may be puzzled when it doesn’t work.
Mindlessness Costs
Too heavy a dependence on the past and how we are used to doing things leads us to continuing to do things that same way mindlessly. Especially if we have taken on limiting labels or a set-in-stone self-image, telling us what we can and cannot do, we limit our life’s potential and the possibilities of the experiences we can have in life.
Comparison is a killer, and when we mindlessly compare ourselves to another or to ourselves at a different time in our lives, we suffer. Narrowly defining success can result in feeling a failure, whose endpoint is learned helplessness, where we don’t even think there is another way, so don’t try.
By staying in a previous perspective of life, it narrows our choices in life. When we stick only to what we did in the past and what seemed to work, our creativity dries up and we fail to use our innate resources. The result is a life of wasted potential.
All these ways we tend to approach life mindlessly crimps our human potential. That is a huge cost to pay!
